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[00:04.07]So i visidly remember my first anxiety attack
[00:08.94]It's kind
[00:09.34]Like i feel right now
[00:12.89]So how i'm near
[00:13.47]How i'm near
[00:17.53]This wave of fear crashed over me
[00:21.28]And my heart started to pound my breathing got ahead me and out of control my face felt hot
[00:28.28]It's hot
[00:29.55]Here here right
[00:32.50]And i got doubed in this really uncomfortable cold sweat
[00:38.60]It was a life changing moment
[00:40.45]Because i made a decision right there
[00:43.17]And then to dedicate my career to riding our world of this
[00:48.99]This feeling anxiety
[00:52.54]So that was more than two decades ago
[00:57.17]Work king progress
[01:01.02]I became a clinical psychologist
[01:02.88]I became a professor
[01:04.92]I started an anxiety treatment center
[01:08.43]And then i've realized some point along the way that eradicating anxiety from our lives would not be beneficial
[01:20.50]Sometimes anxiety interfears with your life that's clinical anxiety
[01:25.56]And yes you do want to get rid of that clinical anxiety with the help of a professional
[01:30.92]But other times
[01:32.06]Many times
[01:35.04]It's uncomfortable
[01:36.52]It's uncontrollable
[01:38.20]That i mentioned a tauten
[01:39.14]Here it's intense
[01:43.27]But that's a good thing
[01:44.84]It's a good thing
[01:50.89]Many of the greatest leaders in human history
[01:55.32]Certainly in recent history
[01:57.95]They were forged in
[02:00.23]In a calldrin of anxiety
[02:03.87]Once early in his career
[02:05.31]Sir winston churchill
[02:06.73]He throws for three full minutes in the house of commons giving a speech
[02:14.43]He fought against tiisphobia fed his fears head on
[02:17.93]And he went on to become one of the greatest oritors
[02:21.37]Two twenty enth century in the nine hundred and nineties after a box office flop opera winfury
[02:30.43]She turned to food
[02:31.31]To drown out her feelings
[02:33.93]To suppress her emotions
[02:35.43]She ended up feeling emotionally nuone for six weeks
[02:39.06]And during that period of greanxiety
[02:41.49]She learned the importance of letting go of her
[02:45.40]Her expectafor success cess
[02:47.77]She went on to become a media icon and speaking of icons
[02:53.87]The first time taylor swift saying the national anthem at of footbball game
[02:59.66]She felt paralyzed with fear
[03:03.78]Which she learned is to share her feelings with others listen to her lyrics
[03:08.56]Many of them speak about her own anxiety
[03:10.78]And now well apparently she can shake it off anxiety is an emotion like any other emotion
[03:22.03]And it can do so much good for you
[03:25.00]It can increase your resilience
[03:27.34]It can strengthen in your tionships
[03:30.12]Ps
[03:30.34]Can help you
[03:30.81]You let go
[03:32.44]When i first met in the coal
[03:35.43]She had hypoo condriysis
[03:36.96]Which is clinical health anxiety despite numerous morize to the contrary
[03:41.53]She was convinced
[03:43.18]That she had an ananurisism
[03:46.09]Nccole's biggest fear was at her anxiety would spike her brainwood explode
[03:53.34]And she would drop dead
[03:54.49]Which would not be good
[03:56.44]Niccalls started to withdraw from daily activities
[03:59.00]And she recognized ritfully that she needed professional help
[04:03.00]So she came in nichole
[04:06.13]Overcame her obsessions with exposure therapy
[04:10.93]She faced her fear
[04:12.34]She embrace them head on in order to build resilience
[04:17.13]She read stories about annuurisms
[04:18.87]She watched videos about annuurisms
[04:20.68]She went to a local neurology worard and the coal overcame her obsessions
[04:27.07]And she graduated from therapy
[04:28.72]I was so happy and so proud of her
[04:32.37]And then a couple years later
[04:35.36]The phone ring
[04:37.02]The corall tells me she's pregnant with a baby boy
[04:40.91]But the doctors told her
[04:42.66]That he would probably die
[04:45.37]Because an ultra sound revealed
[04:46.88]That he had an annuursm now given the calls history
[04:50.44]I thought she would fall apart
[04:52.93]But she didn't
[04:54.50]She didn't
[04:56.18]The baby needed life saving surgery shortly after birth and the coal understandably and very appropriately was very anxious during the surgery as the doctors operated
[05:07.06]But she stuck with it
[05:08.98]And so did he today he is a healthy throwving little boy
[05:13.87]And also really cute by the way you could and the call
[05:18.24]She is a superresilient mom
[05:20.77]Because she faces things id youare a lot more likethe call
[05:27.06]Than you think there had been many times in your life weird
[05:31.49]You eerrace anxiety when you embrace the discomforts when you persevered
[05:36.18]Although you felt panicke and worried
[05:41.27]And you've done this because deepyour heart
[05:42.95]You know that you cannot get rid of all of your anxiety
[05:45.95]And it will always be uncomfortable
[05:47.83]And that's why pushing against it creates mental muscle tone
[05:52.68]Which you need to crust over life's hurdles with grace
[05:59.91]It can be difficult to love someone who has anxiety
[06:04.27]And it's probably even more hard more difficult to receive it
[06:09.04]But
[06:09.92]But deep human connection
[06:12.36]Deep emotional connections between people requires vulnerability
[06:18.22]So anxiety can be used to create intimacy
[06:23.98]Think about it in your own life
[06:26.06]Who are the people
[06:27.01]Who you feel closest to usually it's those who you've open up to about your anxiety in some way
[06:35.80]I
[06:36.10]Myself has going
[06:37.95]Going be hard
[06:38.37]But i'll try i'm terrified of failure
[06:44.91]I'm terrified a professional failure
[06:47.74]And i struggle with vulnerability in some ways
[06:51.47]This propelled me and fuelled my drive for professional success
[06:56.87]But it created distance in my relationships
[07:00.64]When i first met my wonderful
[07:02.23]Wonderful wife merey i put up a wall
[07:06.57]And i didn't speak enough about my feelings
[07:08.89]And i submerged my anxiety by focusing on my work right pretty classic wrw
[07:14.72]You're need to be a psychotherapist to figure that one out of course the feelings didn't go away
[07:22.88]We all have this like chef in the back of our emotional kitchen
[07:28.02]Well my chef cooked up these ontrees of egeniness right inside orders of criticism and a whole bunch of other dishes
[07:36.02]That i'm not going to speak about in public
[07:41.41]But mry think the lee stuck with me
[07:45.29]And more importantly
[07:46.14]She sistently showed me
[07:47.33]That she would never judge me
[07:48.87]If i failed
[07:52.83]Eventually i got the message took a while
[07:56.23]But that unconditional love that i received
[07:59.43]Allowed me to take the plunge drop my guard lower my defences
[08:05.85]And identify what i was afraid of and to share it with her
[08:11.44]I think it's the hardest thing
[08:12.73]I ever did my whole life definitely a harger than anything in the professional around
[08:19.64]But there's nothing more worthwhile than taking our anxiety and turning it into love
[08:26.68]Losing control is utterly terrifying
[08:31.94]It's terrifying you've happened everyone
[08:37.66]But
[08:39.52]But as long as you have a heads up
[08:44.64]As long as you expect it
[08:46.16]And you're a willing participant
[08:48.73]Doesn't it feel good to let go
[08:54.47]You don't need to be a thrilill seeker to appreciate this a genrenalland a shot of it comes with pure joy
[09:03.25]Followed by this blilissful tranquality like how and perhaps for that reason
[09:12.62]Even in this age of unprecedented incredible anxiety action in adventure movies
[09:19.99]They make up more than fifty percent of box office sales and the most profitable jonor of film is horror
[09:27.61]It's funny
[09:31.35]Now life isn't a movie
[09:34.25]So it's very good to shape the world in accordance with your orvision on a daily basis
[09:40.14]It's very important that we do that
[09:42.59]But once in a while
[09:45.94]It's a human need to take a seat and go for a ride on the roller coaster of life to let go doing so keeps your ego in check
[10:03.24]Some people view this surrender in spiritual terms
[10:09.19]The serendity prayer very commonly used to cope with with anxiety and the famously states
[10:16.57]God grtt me the serentiity to accept the things
[10:20.02]I cannot change now when you're ready
[10:23.87]Not before you're ready
[10:24.92]Please
[10:25.40]But when you're ready affirmming the limit of your control
[10:31.75]It brings inner peace
[10:34.87]Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of we all have it
[10:41.80]And it's not going away
[10:46.57]Here are four steps that you can use turn anxiety into your alline
[10:53.25]Not your enemy
[10:54.15]But please
[10:55.75]If anxiety interfears with your life
[10:57.74]If it's clinical don't just rely on this approach get the professional help you need
[11:02.91]If we have an agreeement done that
[11:04.41]Then i'll tell you the four steps okay step number one identify many times when you feel anxious
[11:14.87]You squatch the sensations and push them out of your mind
[11:17.45]Before you've even processed what you're worried about stop take a minute and ask yourself
[11:26.21]What am i truly afraid of
[11:28.65]But what really is at the bottom of my fear
[11:32.17]If you don't know the answer
[11:33.36]That's fine go for a walk and don't come back
[11:35.55]Until you have an answer
[11:40.58]Step two
[11:41.37]Share speak about your anxiety with a friend
[11:47.47]With a neighbor
[11:48.35]With a coworker
[11:49.37]With a stranger
[11:52.26]I'm serious
[11:55.80]If you're not ready for a conversation
[11:57.28]That's fine texted
[11:58.59]If it's more than a couple lines
[12:01.09]Short email press and take the plunge be vulnerable step three embrace
[12:14.05]When you feel anxious
[12:15.39]Not if you will
[12:18.60]You will feel anxious
[12:19.63]And when it happens
[12:21.65]Don't find it
[12:23.63]Don't squelch it
[12:25.82]Let it happen
[12:26.46]Let it ride
[12:27.82]Let it ride in fact do things that make you uncomfortable intentionally repeatedly as long as they're safe
[12:38.32]That's how we build emotional reszilits
[12:42.74]And finally my favorite for let go
[12:47.72]Let go think back to step number one
[12:52.01]What are you truly afraid of
[12:53.29]And then when you're ready
[12:54.89]Humbly admit even for a moment
[12:58.53]That you are not in full control of that outcome it's scarity
[13:03.75]Even think about
[13:04.50]But it's not a bad thing
[13:06.25]Firstly sometimes challenges are a blessing and disguised
[13:09.38]But even either way enjoy not being responsible for everything under the sun
[13:20.17]Okay
[13:20.65]Should i try the four steps
[13:23.08]Yeah
[13:23.62]I'll give it a shot
[13:25.53]Identify the hardest part about this talk was speaking about my anxiety in public
[13:34.15]I was afraid you would judge me
[13:38.25]It's really quiet in here
[13:39.45]Did you judge it
[13:42.66]And maybe really exjust share
[13:47.30]Okay
[13:47.69]So i'm
[13:48.69]I'm revealing this to you now
[13:49.78]Because what we've spent like ten minutes together
[13:52.02]And i grow to like you
[13:53.59]So i want more of an emotional connection here
[13:56.00]And i hope it's mutual kat three embrace okay
[14:11.26]Do you know it's like to stand on this red dot
[14:14.09]And to speak about like all your issues in public
[14:19.02]It's like diving off a cliff
[14:20.45]Especially remember that part about my emotional kitchen
[14:23.25]Like that was really vulnerable for me and let go
[14:28.55]So i'm sending this message about anxiety off into the universe
[14:33.08]I hope that it would land on the hearts
[14:35.01]Minds and souls of a broader audience
[14:37.01]But really there's nothing i can do
[14:38.98]About that anymore
[14:41.46]And that's okay
[14:43.15]That's okay
[14:46.03]So please join me
[14:47.27]What are the four steps
[14:48.20]That save them together
[14:49.03]So we remember identify share embrace lackof
[14:54.87]Thank you very much